March 1965

	Run For Your Life Starring Ben Gazzara Homepage Paul Bryan's Journal March 1965
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Journal Entry		Chronology of Events

San Francisco, Monday, March 1 Made it official tonight, and asked Gerald Pierce for his daughter's hand. Kate's mother is all gung ho about a big society wedding. Even her Dad chimed in about it being good publicity for my political career. Our thinking is quite different - a quiet family wedding at one of the mission churches - maybe Carmel where we could honeymoon at my house there before going off to Europe.
San Francisco, Tuesday, March 2 Took Katie to see Robert Goulet at the Venetian Room. Courtesy of the firm we were able to get a ringside table, and I pointed out that Kate had a good vantage point for throwing a key at him. She tacked back in her chair with a look of outrage, and said imperiously that she would certainly do no such thing! “I would have it delivered on an engraved silver tray,” she added.
San Francisco, Wednesday, March 3 We've set the date for May 1 at San Carlos Borromeo, and plan to be very firm with Kate's family about a big wedding. Had a great phone call with Spencer Holt, and we've made a date to go fishing the first weekend in April. He was overjoyed to hear the news about Katie, and congratulated me on joining the ranks of happy men, saying that he'd be lost without Betty. She's apparently enjoying the campaign even more than he is, and I reminded him that, even when he was teaching law at Stanford, she was already active in politics. It was so good to talk with Spence. I probably don't know many I could call a better friend. Making a checklist of all the things I have to do - will, insurance, draw up new property documents, travel plans etc. Might even start distributing some of my legal work among the colleagues for the next while.		Date for marriage to Kate Pierce set for May 1 with engagement announcement on April 17
San Francisco, Thursday, March 4 Thinking about Spence, and considering, if Prof. Turner isn't able to come from India, I might ask him to be my best man. Studying travel brochures, realize that except for business and fishing trips to Mexico, I haven't been out of the country since Korea. After last weekend, I feel sure that Kate should take me on a grand tour of European art. Following her class, she came over and said she'd love to be my guide.
San Francisco, Friday, March 5 More time spent on checklists. Passports, get injections to cover anywhere we might decide to go. Martinson case getting oppressive. Suddenly see how much I need a vacation.
Carmel Saturday & Sunday, March 6 & 7 CCalm before the storm. We made a point of being lazy all weekend, as even this small family wedding seems to require so much preparation. It's incredible, the meals that Kate can turn out from a quick trip to the market. I keep telling her that she should write a cookbook.
San Francisco, Monday, March 8 Wound up the Martinson case, and looking to see how I could divide up the rest of my clients around the firm to allow for a two-three month trip to Europe. Insurance man came by, and offered a comprehensive policy. Says he needs to arrange a medical before policy can go into force.
San Francisco, Tuesday, March 9 Applied for new passport, and made up a list of all my property. Hey, I'm not a bad catch! Besides my house and the place in Carmel, there are the San Francisco apartment, house rented out in Marin, Granny's house on the cliffs, art collection last valued at over $50,000, a sizeable portfolio of stocks and bonds, the Cessna and Cal 40 ….. and more.
San Francisco, Wednesday, March 10 Made out new will and arranged to get shots at the same time as the insurance exam on Friday - just in case we get the sudden inspiration to go to Brazil.
San Francisco, Thursday, March 11 Surprised Kate at her gallery this afternoon, and was fascinated by one of the new paintings. A good investment, she advised, but she didn't think she'd like to live with it. Could see she had her eye on a pastel abstract, so bought it for her. Really hit home. What's hers will be mine in a few weeks.
San Francisco, Friday, March 12 Looking forward to the weekend. Insurance exam proved surprising. Thought it would be listen to heart, check blood pressure and over, but it was very thorough. Thank goodness I'm so healthy.		Medical examination conducted for life insurance
San Francisco, Saturday & Sunday, March 13 & 14 We spent the weekend at Granny's. This house is such a great place to come to. I asked Kate if she'd like to live here when we're married, and she asked why I don't already. Guess it's because I like to think of it as a refuge - somewhere untouched by day-to-day life, but this seemed a perfect time for us to share a weekend here together, watching the surf jump up the cliff, looking at old family photos and memorabilia, and thinking of how our own children will become a part of its heritage.
San Francisco, Monday, March 15 Got a very witty letter from an old Stanford pal, Mark Shepard, who's now living near Cannes, running some kind of travel business. What a life! Last time I heard from him he was partner in a Los Angeles law firm, and he's apparently given it up to live on the beach for a couple years. With a future like his, hee must have been hit by lightning to embark on something so aimless. Rang Kate, and asked if she'd like to include Cannes in our grand tour, and she's pencilled it in.
San Francisco, Tuesday, March 16 Going through work to pass on to partners, I came across the Mallory file. It made me stop and think. An amicable divorce between two people who seemed as made for one another as Kate and I. Noted Clara's address in case we decide to go to South America. Got a great surprise this afternoon when Doug Haynes stuck his head in the door. He's preparing another expedition to New Guinea, taking off on the weekend. I've really missed him since he's been teaching at Columbia. We were able to have a long lunch, and he filled me in on his research and plan to study the Bosavis tribe. He made it sound so fascinating that I was ready to take off with him. We'll be on our wedding trip when he gets back, so it will be a long while before I get to see him again.
San Francisco, Wednesday, March 17 We had a St. Patrick's Day cocktail party in the board room this evening, and Kate dazzled all in emerald green. She isn't wearing her ring in public until the party we've set for April 15, but I don't think that we have much of a secret.
San Francisco, Thursday, March 18 Pete Gaffney made a flying visit to see his father in the hospital, and stopped by afterwards. Checked his schedule against the one Kate and I have drafted, and we should be able to see him race at Trieste in June.
San Francisco, Friday, March 19 Strangest thing. Got a call from the doctor who did the insurance exam, and he asked if I could come in to do some blood tests again. He said very little, just that there were results that didn't make sense, and he wanted me to see a specialist next week, and would ring as soon as an appointment was available. When I saw him face to face, he was inscrutable, and I couldn't get out of him if it was something serious - or what.		Doctor who conducted insurance examination calls Paul back for further tests
Carmel, Saturday, March 20 Kate can't come down until tomorrow, but I had to get away from the city. This doctor thing is worrying, but the man was so neutral. What could he have possibly found? Something fatal? We think the worst things, but I've never been sick a day in my life, and don't even have a regular doctor I could go to for advice. Rang a few medico friends this morning and afternoon, and all they could say was that they'd be more than willing to offer counsel as soon as they had any facts. Maybe it's just some quirk of the insurance company to up the price or reject the policy. I'll be glad when Kate gets here. But then, maybe I shouldn't say anything to her. It would upset her unnecessarily.
Carmel, Sunday, March 21 Kate flew down so we could have some quiet hours together before she goes to Toronto tomorrow. She could tell that something was wrong. Told her it was a combination of work and being a wrought-up groom, and she decided to take me at my word. I'll be glad when this is all cleared up.
San Francisco, Monday, March 22 Drove back this morning, and dealing with bundles of work when Dr. Clement rang and said he'd made an appointment for tomorrow with a specialist. What kind of specialist, I asked him, and he said Dr. Franzen dealt in rare diseases. Called three doctor friends, and they all said that Franzen dealt with a variety of things - as Clement said, rare diseases.		Following additional tests, Paul is advised to see a specialist
San Francisco, Tuesday, March 23 My hand is shaking as I write. I just stop and stare at the paper. Franzen told me that I'm dying.		Specialist tells Paul he has only a year or two to live
San Francisco, Wednesday, March 24 It feels like I have malaria. Freezing one minute. Burning up the next. Last night I took out a gun, and just sat there all night with it in my hand. But the way I was shaking, I'd have missed if I pointed it right at my forehead. A new day, and I'm telling myself that it was all just a bad dream. Franzen said he was almost 100% certain of his diagnosis, but wants me to see a colleague tomorrow, one who just happens to be in the city on a visit from Buffalo. Spoke with my doctor friends, and they recommended that I see a guy in the Sheffer Building named Gene Mason. When I thought my voice might sound half-way normal, I rang Kate in Toronto. She had people with her, so I got away telling her I thought I was coming down with a cold.
San Francisco, Thursday, March 25 Saw this specialist from New York who studied the blood samples I gave on Tuesday. He said I had only a year or two to live. It's starting to sound like reality. I'm trying to think of what I'm going to do. A thousand thoughts are swirling around in my mind. Kate rang, and I told her I was under the weather, so she cut the call short. How ever am I going to be able to tell her?		Second specialist confirms diagnosis, but says that Paul has nine to 18 months left
San Francisco, Friday, March 26 Got a rush appointment with Dr. Gene Mason who confirmed what the other two doctors said. Like Franzen and Collier, he said that there is intensive research being done to find a cure to what I have - right over on the Peninsula - and I shouldn't give up hope. But his prediction was only nine to 18 months. That's like tomorrow. All three said that I will feel perfectly healthy until …. the end, and should be able to lead a normal life. But what is normal in a situation like this.		Paul gets confirmation from a third specialist who will be his ongoing doctor, Gene Mason
Granny's, Saturday, March 27 I am trying to pull myself together enough to make some kind of road map - lists of what I have to do, what I want to do, and what I need to do. This place, which has always been a solace to me since childhood, seems like a shell. In fact, that's what my own body seems like, a shell in which the soul has already departed. When I talked to Kate, I told her that something very large had come up, but that it was too complicated to discuss on the phone. Legal stuff, I said, and she seemed to accept that, and didn't press me for more. Wrote a short letter to Aunt Alma, and said that I might be going away, so she shouldn't worry if she couldn't reach me - and that I'd be in touch again later.
Granny's, Sunday, March 28 I have tried to clear my mind, and look at all the alternatives in front of me. What I've come up with is that I need to get away. Run away is probably what I mean. I've decided to take a leave of absence from the practice, cash in my stocks, and take off for Europe - probably alone. After that, we'll see.
San Francisco, Monday, March 29 In its tenth draft, I've written a long letter to Kate, trying to explain why I'm going away, but with each one, I alter every word. She'll be back on Thursday, and I know I'll change my mind a dozen more times between now and then. Should I ask her to come with me? Seeing her face every day would be like hearing the diagnosis all over again. And yet, how am I going to survive without her? What will the news do to her? I approached the partners today with my decision, and said it was because I'd been doing a lot of thinking, and this was where it took me. Everyone was shocked, but I told them that I wasn't yet putting my share of the practice up for sale.		Paul announces to his law partners that he's taking a leave of absence with an eye to later selling his share in the practice
San Francisco, Tuesday, March 30 My affairs are more or less in order. Dick Phillips has offered me an extremely generous sum for the brand new Merdedes, and the proceeds from the shares is at my disposal. I've decided to go to Antibes on the French Riviera. It was one of the locations that appealed to me when I was reading all the travel literature. A gentle place. And I've definitely decided to go alone.
San Francisco, Wednesday, March 31 Spent the day making preparations to leave. Asked Marcella if she could continue to act as my secretary, screening my mail at the practice and at home. Frank Barton will have power of attorney for anything legal. I picked Kate up at the airport this evening, and she read my face like a book in one glance. “What's wrong?” she asked, her eyes almost with tears in them. It was like she sensed that I was gone already. I replied that I needed a little space, and would talk to her in the morning. Whatever I do, I can't burden her with the awful news. I just couldn't make her have to live with it too.

1 - 11 April 1965 (Depart old life - pilot episode Rapture at Two Forty)